Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I want a musical about memes.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
