South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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