Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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