well I can't set my house on fire every night
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My vagina is officially offended.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
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