Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Randomize
