She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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