Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
