the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Randomize
