Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize