My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
