I showed him my bush... on skype.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
