my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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