Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
