What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
