hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
