i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
