matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
