Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
