you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
