I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
