I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
