we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
