you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Panties = found
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
