I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
