Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize