hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
You were trust falling into bushes
Randomize
