what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Randomize
