Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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