You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
