I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
