mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
