I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
My pussy is not your playground.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
this is an emotional support booty call
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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