Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
