My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
