Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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