I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
