Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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