I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
That accounts for only three of the penises
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
