So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
