Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
