I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
