planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
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