mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
