i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Randomize
