i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
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