The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Randomize
