You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize