the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
