He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
