My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
