Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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