Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Randomize
