You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
Randomize
