She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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