she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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