So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I wish i was in the wii world.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Every concussion has its silver lining
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
