Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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