But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
