If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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