i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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