I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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