I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Randomize
