is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
