never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
