My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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