trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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