I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Randomize
