Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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