This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
