oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
