Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
