Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
