I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Randomize
