If i come over, it means nothing
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize