I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
