Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I just had sex on a roof
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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