When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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