I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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