Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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