I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
