I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
