my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
She even gives head with a lisp.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
