Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Randomize
