just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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