I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
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