dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
